How to explain adoption to children: Tips
Adoption is a delicate issue both for those who live the experience firsthand and for those around them. But how can we talk about adoption at school and in the family?
How to explain adoption to an adopted child
Adoption is a complex issue, which must be addressed by taking into consideration the specificities of the child and the parents from time to time. "What is essential, however - explain the experts - is that the discourse is dealt with relatively quickly and in a clear and transparent way : a serene account of this fact helps the child from a psychological and psychic point of view, also in view of a future socio-relational life ".
· Do not improvise. To tackle the issue naturally and serenely, one cannot improvise: «The adoptive parents are afraid that, speaking of adoption, the child will then reject them or that the relationship built up to that moment will break up. Understandable fears, but unfounded because daily life is much more important for a child. The words you will use, however, are fundamental because the child will make them his own to tell about his adoption to himself and to others ".
· Make him feel wanted. An adoption story risks opening doubts about being rejected or abandoned. "Instead, highlight the other truth, that is how much the child was wanted and loved and thought about: a sentence like 'Daddy and I have waited so long for you' is very effective in explaining this thing."
· Tell him about his origins. Adoption could represent a rift in the child's story and cast a shadow over his past. "Try to relate the before and after that exist in an adoption experience to bring the story of the child back to unity: it is often useful to speak of a 'belly mother' and a 'heart mother'".
· No room for guilt. The idea of "belly mother" and "heart mother" is also significant because it does not give value judgments on the two figures : "Always avoid passing on the idea, even indirectly, that the child has a" bad "mother and a "good one" and that it has been abandoned or rejected ».
· Seek alliances. Warn educators and teachers of the situation, so that all educational environments around the child are attentive and possibly ready to address the topic with him or the whole class.
How to talk about adoption at school and in the family
Even in the classroom and in the family it is important not to be unprepared.
1. Wait for their questions. When to talk about it? The ideal would be "to wait for their questions, or at most anticipate them but not too much: know that the topic usually comes up in kindergarten, when children begin to discover the world even outside their family through comparisons and comparisons with their companions ».
2. Don't avoid the topic. «Always remember that children's questions, even the most" impertinent ", are genuinely asked out of curiosity to know how things stand. The important thing is to give them answers: we do not protect anyone by not answering, on the contrary, we just encourage them to go and look for them elsewhere. And even concepts that are distant and different from one's own experience, as well as negative or conflicting emotions, it is good to start facing them ".
3. Use everyday images. "You make a lot of use of everyday life and practical metaphors to explain adoption, such as:" Do you see? That mother there has a baby bump because she is expecting a baby; others, on the other hand, arrive already born and go to families where they have been long awaited and become the their children ".
4. With a brother. If in the classroom or in the family there is a firstborn brother or sister expecting an adopted sibling, it will be nice to work on the expectations: "They will certainly be focused on how they expect the newcomer, but let them also think about the fact that the little brother too has expectations about them: "How do you imagine your new brother? And how do you think he imagines you? "».
Activities to talk about adoption
· Activities to talk about kindergarten adoption. «At the kindergarten you take advantage of the great imitative games on the family, in which children play roles and dress up. They are natural ways that they use to give themselves answers: they train their empathy, because they put themselves in the shoes of another person ».
· Activities to talk about primary school adoption. «Instead, use the tool of storytelling for children aged 6 to 8 or 10: divide them into small groups, for example, and give them keywords with which to build a story. The group work will help them develop the topic and maybe it will be the starting point to share some personal experience about it. Then have them tell or have them put on stage in front of the rest of the class what they have produced ».
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